Dear Ashley
by unprettyxxgirl
Summary: Ashley has known him for so very long but somehow looks at him differently now [chap 11 up!]
1. Something Small

[ Dear Ashley ]  
  
[ Dear Ashley Chapter One Contains;  
Ashley//Paige//Terri//Hazel//Spinner//Jimmy//Craig]  
  
A/N: The first chapter! Hope you like it!  
  
[x] Craig never cheated on Ashley  
[x] Terri never liked Spinner  
[x] Paige never liked Spinner  
  
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Dear Ashley,  
  
The concert starts at 8:00 right? Well mom said she could drive us both back to the school so we can perform. Ash this is so great! I've been told I have acting skills and tonight I show them off! I hope Dylan doesn't take longer than an hour to do his hair. Such a drama queen.  
  
I chuckle at the note. I open my black and green folder and slip it into the right side of it. I sit it down right next to my leg. I swing my short streaked hair around and look at who I Paige give the signal that I got the note. Paige grins and taps her pencil once while she fidgets before she gives at least half attention to Ms. Kwan.  
  
"One more time, the report on Romance in The Hills is due Tuesday, on my desk, in the morning, or I mark it late. Come on lets get it together! You are all in grade ten, you should know this by now," Ms. Kwan said coming closer and closer to the class as her tall heels tell me. I abnormally count the seconds between each step, one one thousand two one thousand - clop. Two seconds. Terri's hand seems to excel in the corner of my eye. Terri raises her hand as she readjusts her stance to a tall tree. Ms. Kwan eyes the hand that is ornamented with a couple inexpensive bracelets and a yellow hair band that clashes with the rest of Terri's outfit. Ms. Kwans head bobs and Terri's hand unhurriedly glides down sitting peacefully on the table.  
  
"Ms. Kwan, this is one of the most beautiful love stories ever written! But when you explained the assignment you said we would write about what this reminded us of and such but what if you have had nothing but bad relationships?" Terri asks referring to Rick. Ms. Kwan walks towards Terri each heel clopping after two seconds. Terri doesn't seem intimidated.  
  
"Terri, this is not grade nine anymore. You know what I expect of you. If you don't do this assignment you'll really get a bad grade," Ms. Kwan says. "If you have nothing but bad relationships that's you. If that's what it reminds you of do it"  
  
"But it's way too personal for my report!" Terri says before Ms. Kwan starts to walk away. Ms. Kwan is in one of her moods today. Her eyes lay on only you, it seems.  
  
"You brought it up Terri. Do it," Ms. Kwan demanded. Terri looks irritated. I look over at Paige. She is writing something down with her favorite bright pink pen. She in no way uses it. She looks up and smiles at something across the room. I follow her eyes to Spinner. Grinning through his blonde hair. Paige's go-nowhere-crush has been promoted to lets-test- this-crush. I know these things. They'll be hooking up before you can blink. The bell sounds off and everyone seems to be out of his or her skin. I assemble my things and stuff them untidily into my book bag. Paige seems to meet beside me. I grin at her. Spinner walks by and smiles at me and Paige. Paige seems to smile back.  
  
"Is it love?" I tease. Paige looks at me and chuckles.  
  
"No way. Spin and I, strictly friends," Paige explains. I don't take my eyes off of her for a second. Paige seems to know it is a simple crush. "Okay, okay. I like him. But just a little bit," Paige decides.  
  
"Ha, I knew it," I proudly say.  
  
"What I'm really in love with is this concert. Like, how good does it get? I get to perform my solo on the stage in front of lots of people. Ash, what if by some miracle someone came and asked me for a career in singing?" Paige asks. I chuckle.  
  
"Paige, what if some ones mom came and asked you for a career in singing?" I grin. Paige looks at me wide-mouthed and attracted.  
  
"Oh my gosh, I forgot all about that! Ash, do you think you could get Toby's mom to come and watch the show?" Paige asks. I was just joking about what she said but somehow I wanted Paige to be in the limelight.  
  
"No Paige. Toby's mom is way too busy. Plus, she's way too far away to be able to make it to the concert tonight!" I tell her. Paige moans.  
  
"I can dream can't I?" Paige says exaggerating her manicured nails. I nod and Paige walks off.  
  
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"I got it! I got the part! Heather Sinclair is still sick and the concert is tonight! Runner up substitutes! That's me!" Manny grins as she throws her arms around Craig. He smiles back.  
  
"Sexy and talented," Craig looks at her through his brown curls. Manny chuckles and pushes him against his locker. He grips onto her tiny waist as she fervently kisses Craig. She pulls away. She gazes into his bright green eyes. Craig bites his lip in pleasure.  
  
"I love you," Craig whispers. Manny makes a noise of bliss and whispers back.  
  
"I love you too, Craig," as she goes in for an additional kiss, Craig's head turns to see the interrupting Spinner. Manny and Craig are staring at him now almost in anger. Manny looks back at Craig and brushes his hair away from his glowing eyes so he can see her smile. As she starts to back away she hurries up and gives Craig a quick kiss on the cheek before swaggering away.  
  
"Wow," Spinner chuckles. Craig looks almost relieved as he starts to open up his locker. Spinner looks confused. "What was the occasion?" Spinner asked.  
  
"She has a duet with Chris," Craig says. Spinner chuckles.  
  
"Awesome! You mean that hip-hop duet? Manny is going to rock with Chris!" Spinner says in excitement. Craig looks at him a bit bemused. "I mean, talented-wise not getting-hooked-up-wise," Spinner gets into details. Craig starts to go through his locker again. Craig lets out a long sigh of dissatisfaction it seems. Spinner becomes mystified. "Dude, what is wrong with you? Your life is, envied," Spinner says.  
  
"I know, I know. Spin, Manny is great! She's just everything that makes a guy, like me, into a man," Craig grins. Spinner nods his head. "Well what if that same girl becomes this clingy romantic chick who wants to be with you 24/7?" Craig asks. Spinner shakes his head. "Well, that's how she is getting. I mean, I want to be with her but man, she wants to control my life. She acts like I'm with every girl in the school"  
  
"Suck it up, Craig. I mean, you did dump Ashley for her," Spinner shrugs. Craig shuts his locker and leans against it whirling his head towards Spinner.  
  
"It was a good decision, right?" Craig asks. Spinner chuckles.  
  
"Probably for other guys," Spinner grins. Craig sighs.  
  
"No, she still isn't with anyone. I'm over her man; I mean she was no fun. Manny was the little excitement I needed," Craig nods in a smile. Spinner shrugs again.  
  
"As long as you're over her"  
  
"Spin, I am"  
  
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"Terri, hey, wait up!" I call over to Terri as she carries her plate with her. I swiftly walk alongside Terri as we come within reach of an empty lunch table. Terri slams her tray down and with annoyance sits down while I carefully put down my tray and sit down one leg at a time. "Terri, you okay?" I guardedly ask. Terri narrows her eyes at me.  
  
"I'm fine. Never better," Terri says looking down at her food once more.  
  
"Terri, you're lying, remember, I know, your eye twitches," I remind her in a jokingly way. Terri doesn't seem amused.  
  
"Ash, why am I so unattractive. Everyone says god makes you a certain way but why did he make me so ugly? So undesirable? I hate life!" Terri stomps off. She throws her tray out on the way and pushes through one of Degrassi's couples. They complain and then knot their hands collectively and walk off to a table bursting of blondes. I let out a sigh and pick up my tray. I find myself sitting between Paige and Jimmy. Across from Hazel and Spinner.  
  
"How's Terri?" Paige asks staring at her manicured nails in admiration.  
  
"Not good. I was talking to her and then she told me some stuff about not being the most gorgeous girl in the world," I explain. Everyone watches me go on. "What's wrong with her? She thinks she's so ugly. I think it has something to do with Ms. Kwan's assignment. Terri hasn't been acting like this for awhile," I add on. Hazel looks interested.  
  
"She's always been complaining about that. She is just insecure, it's not a big deal," Paige shrugs.  
  
"It is when Terri is unhappy. She still isn't over Rick. Even though she should be," Hazel says.  
  
"Don't even mention his name," Jimmy says heatedly.  
  
"Well what can we do? She'll have to get over it by herself," Paige finalizes the discussion. "Anyways-"  
  
"I'm going to go find Terri," Hazel says standing up. Everyone watches her walk away.  
  
"There goes Hero," Spinner says.  
  
"Spinner, she's a friend," I simply say.  
  
"She's a mother," Spinner chuckles. I awkwardly chuckle a bit too. Paige looks a little offended.  
  
"Hello, immaturity! Spin, stop being an idiot, you're rubbing off on Ashley," Paige jokes. My smile still proceeds. Spinner looks over at me, and as Paige and Jimmy eat, me and Spinner jokingly although surreptitiously send smiles back and forth. 


	2. In Confusion

[ Dear Ashley ]  
  
[ Dear Ashley Chapter Two Contains; Ashley//Paige//Craig//  
Spinner//Jimmy/J.T.//Liberty]  
  
A/N: Flames accepted (  
  
[x] Craig never cheated on Ashley  
[x] Terri never liked Spinner  
[x] Paige never liked Spinner  
[x] Craig is credited but he actually doesn't talk  
  
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"You need some blush," Paige says to me. I stretch over to Paige and let her apply a small amount of blush. "There, just what you needed," Paige says applying some to herself as well. I exhale and look up at myself.  
  
"Why am I so nervous? I can do this," I say a bit more confident.  
  
"Hun, you look great. We both look great and we're both ready for this. Let's just hope Dylan is the same way," Paige says looking towards her door. I giggle.  
  
"I can't wait until your solo. I haven't even heard it yet, since we practice at different times," I shrug.  
  
"My solo is the best! I got all the notes! I'm so ready," Paige grins. I smile back.  
  
"I have to sing with only a few people. I know the hip-hop duet is going to be the main thing. I just heard that, that heather girl isn't singing because she still has the flu and Manny is taking her place," I stare at Paige. Paige looks a little confused.  
  
"Hun, forget Manny. No one really likes her and Craig only wants her for all the wrong reasons. Everyone will soon hate her trust me. I'm starting to think she's trying to take my spot in popularity. Lets see her succeed," Paige grins. I chuckle.  
  
"Craig can have her, I'm so over him," I smile shaking the clear nail polish.  
  
"Good attitude. Now, lets go tell Dylan to put down the hair spray," Paige says arising from her seat. I laugh a little louder and follow Paige.  
  
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"You're late," Liberty says to Paige and I when we arrive.  
  
"The show hasn't even started yet, Liberty, chill," Paige says walking past Liberty. I stay put.  
  
"Yeah but all the people participating are intended to be here fifteen minutes before the concert and it's five minutes till. We need to get organized!" Liberty complains. Paige, after receiving a cup of water, walks over to Liberty.  
  
"Liberty, Hun, be happy we're here. If we weren't, lets see what no- singing-skilled girl you would choose to replace me," Paige says sipping her water. Liberty stomps past her.  
  
"You'll never work in show biz." I chuckle and walk over to Paige.  
  
"Can she get any bossier?" I ask making sure Liberty is gone. Paige shrugs.  
  
"That capitalized L in Liberty doesn't stand for nothing," Paige giggles.  
  
"Sympathize me. I had to work with her for a whole year," I say pointing to myself. The two laugh it off until interrupted. Liberty pokes her head around the corner.  
  
"Come on! The show is about to start you two! This is time to gossip," Liberty cues us. We both roll our eyes and follow Liberty. As we turn the corner, we find Liberty talking to J.T.  
  
"Okay, I'll talk first, since I'm good at the intro," Liberty decides for J.T. He shakes his head.  
  
"Liberty, you're always hosting something or someone, let someone else do this. Trust me, you're not the finest host," J.T. says a little angry.  
  
"Come on! The show is about to start, Liberty! This isn't time to flirt," Paige teases as she and I pass. I laugh. Liberty looks at us in furry.  
  
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"Welcome ladies and gentlemen!" J.T. starts out. Liberty decided to let J.T. go first since he is new at this. She also did it in admiration, secretly. "Tonight, we are all gathered here for Degrassi's spring concert. Lets give a hand to the Student Council," J.T. announces. Everyone claps loudly for the council and a few whistles from the parents seem to be present also. J.T. looks over at Liberty.  
  
"Let us start out with our first selection, sung by the Degrassi choir," Liberty grins. The light seems to go off and only whispers of the angry J.T. seem to be heard. Liberty flies to the back and approaches Paige. "You're on next Paige. Get ready," Liberty says walking away. Paige seems to catch a glimpse of something coming beside her. She swings to see Spinner, Jimmy, and Craig.  
  
"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" Paige says. I observe too.  
  
"We came to wish you all luck," Jimmy says. Paige chuckles. She wraps her arms around Jimmy for a hug in thanks. I look at Craig. He looks back. As we stare, Spinner seems to befall over me. I spin around to him. I grin and hug him.  
  
"Thanks, Spin. I really need some luck," I thank him.  
  
"Nah, you don't need luck, you need a miracle," Spinner jokes. I become wide-eyed and laughing. I jokingly punch him in the arm. "Spinner can make that happen," He grins. I stare at his eyes as smiles back. I blink.  
  
"Thanks," I say red-cheeked.  
  
"No problem"  
  
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Paige's solo is seconds away and I'm secretly peaking through the side of the curtains. Paige sees me and smiles. I giggle to myself. Paige starts to sing  
  
Beyond the moon  
There are stars of night  
Each hitting my greens eyes oh so bright  
I stare to the sky wide-eyed  
And I watch the beauty till morning is nigh  
  
Her solo is over in such few seconds. Paige grins at me as she continues to sing, now with the rest of the choir of voices. I chuckle aloud. Paige was great! She must have practiced because today she sounds almost unreal. Again I turn around to find Spinner falling over me , shadowing my eyes. I smile.  
  
"Isn't she great?" I flip around to Paige as if Paige were some kind of radiant beam everyone seems to be drawn to. Spinner clears his throat.  
  
"She's great. Um, yeah, I mean, she is Paige," Spinner chuckles at his joke. I find myself into giggling also.  
  
"Perfect Popular Paige. Wanted by some and envied by all," I creatively title her. I can almost feel Spinner staring at my red cheeks as I'm is facing him that way. I nod.  
  
"You're poetic," he whispers aloud. I'm almost confused at the compliment. I turn my head around in a confused manner.  
  
"Thanks?" I say bringing my shoulder to my chin. Spinner smirks. His cold hand seems to touch my left cheek and glide smoothly down gently brushing my lips. I blink in confusion. This is not a moment. I break away and walk towards the back where I await for Paige. I fold my arms and don't dare to look over at Spinner. Suddenly a roar of claps and screams flood through the crowd making Paige laugh loudly. I watch through the cracks of the curtains. Paige bows and walks towards the back wearing a pair of red flushed cheeks. She didn't need blush now. I grin and clap. But somehow not as excited before.  
  
"You are absolutely awesome! Everyone loved you, Paige!" I threw my hands around Paige and vice-versa. As we unattached, Paige grinned in a wide manner.  
  
"Really?" Paige asks in anticipation. I nod.  
  
"If Toby's mom were here, we'd be seeing you on TV tomorrow," I exaggerate. Paige becomes shy. Spinner walked up beside me. My smile fades.  
  
"Perfect Popular Paige, I always say," Spinner smiles. Paige giggles and walks away finding Hazel and Jimmy. I try to escape from a moment alone with Spinner but he finds some way to keep me trapped. "Can we talk?" Spinner asks. I don't want to talk. Nothing really happened. I just felt like Spinner was coming onto me, not like he would do something like that! I think I'm aware of that.  
  
"What do we have to talk about?" I stupidly ask. Spinner breathes.  
  
"Ashley," Spinner starts out. I listen in respect. Spinner doesn't seem to know what to say. Like he was expecting me to blow him off. Maybe that's what he wanted. So, I did.  
  
After I performed, it was the closing of it all. The one thing that brought everyone here and that got everyone's attention and glee. The hip- hop duet. "And we present," Liberty starts out. J.T. nods.  
  
"Something that will actually keep you awake," J.T. jokingly says. Lots laugh. Except Liberty. She growls at him because what he said was not meant to be. He nervously laughs it off. "Okay, now I-"  
  
"Introducing Manny Santos and Chris Sharpe," Liberty pulls J.T. off stage with her. Everyone watches them. Chris has the most original lyrics ever! The beat comes straight through. Even though I'm not much into hip- hop, I seemed to enjoy it. Manny sang high and it mixed great with Chris's lower voice. I even had to admit they were good. At the end everyone clapped as loud as they did for Paige. Paige must have felt a little out- dated. I didn't dare to look after the performance was over. I didn't want to see Craig and Manny devour each other. No thanks. Ack, I now feel a bit queasy. That was a bad thought. I held her stomach.  
  
"You saw that right! Tell me I have one witness!" Paige approached me with her hand up to her blonde hair. I shook her head.  
  
"What's going on?" I ask.  
  
"Manny totally gave me a dirty look after the performance! Star or not she will be after me. Always," Paige announces. I don't respond much. Paige started past me.  
  
"C'mon Ash, moms outside," Paige tells me as she walks furiously towards the door. I nod and look up to see Spinner going out the opposite side door. He tries to smile but it doesn't seem much like one. I don't try at all. I hurry off making sure I'm is alone. 


	3. Rejection

[ Dear Ashley ]  
  
[ Dear Ashley Chapter Three Contains; Ashley//Paige//Terri//Mr. Simpson  
//Spinner//Jimmy]  
  
A/N: Notice how this story goes much faster than the others.  
  
[x] You finally get to see one of Spinners soft sides. Watch how he tries  
to cover it up. HE'S SOOOO CUTE!!!!!  
  
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"So how do you think this little gadget works?" Mr. Simpson asks. I look about. Everyone stares at him as if he will straightforwardly give up the answer. I witness Paige look around too. Then she fretfully and astonishingly raises her hand. Mr. Simpson bites his lip and then points his pen towards her. Paige breathes and lets her hand unhurriedly down.  
  
"Well, Mr. Simpson, some things aren't always easily answered or known and are baffling to us," She says. Nice choice of words. I didn't know where she was going with this. I just watch and take note. She seems nervous. But why? "So, if we really don't know the answer you just have to follow what you feel is right," she added. This was way off the subject. "Like, love. It's unexplainable to many of us! Who really know what love is or why we love someone?" Way, way off the subject. She glances over at Spinner and he looks at her also. I knew it. "Or even a simple crush," she grins. A flirty grin and everyone giggles. Paige doesn't seem to mind the attention. I look over at Spinner. He doesn't seem as "in love" as Paige undeniably is. He turns away and looks back at his drawing he drew, which were, suppose to be notes. Paige's smile gradually fades. Now, she looks upset. Mr. Simpson chuckles.  
  
"Right, Paige. I knew it was too good to be true. Nice try," He says. Paige tunes out and seems to put her lips to the side of her face. She stares down at her paper. The blank piece entitled 'Love?'  
  
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As I start out the class I seem to be pulled back. It's predictably Paige. She glances around the hall at everyone before speaking. "What is his problem?" Paige says seeming angry. I'm a bit confused.  
  
"Who?" I ask stupidly. Spinner of course. Almost on queue, He walks past Paige and I. Paige glares at him. It looks almost like an evil glare. But I don't seem to care too much. I watch him walk by too. He doesn't look back or he doesn't look guilty. Somehow he looks almost proud or just, plain old Spinner.  
  
"Him," she points with her light pink nail polish gleaming from the bright lights above. I follow her finger back to Spinner where he disappears into the grand crowd of diluted teenagers and preteens.  
  
"What did he do?" I ask. I mean, maybe he didn't understand what she was talking about she did seem a bit weird. Yeah, like he didn't flirt with me at the concert. Bad thought!  
  
"He made me look like a total idiot! Everyone knew exactly who and what I was talking about and he - him- he just - ugh!" Paige says in her terms. I try to sound kind and factual. She puts her hands on her hips. Why is he acting like this? He likes Paige. I think. Lets think this through: Acting like a retard towards Paige although affection towards me. Something is so wrong here.  
  
"Maybe," I stop myself. Just say it. "Maybe he doesn't like you," I foolishly say. Gosh what am I saying? It makes me look jealous and so super stupid! Think before talking. She looks at me like I'm Toby.  
  
"Please," she says conceitedly and starts to walk off. I sigh and walk alongside her.  
  
"But maybe it's true. Not every guy likes you, Paige," I say. She groans.  
  
"Yeah thanks Ashley," she clearly sardonically says. I roll my eyes and strike my hands to my side.  
  
"Well what do you want me to say?" I complain. She seems to groan again but I'm not sure. She unfolds her arms and using them as expressions. Her eyes look up although she continues to walk.  
  
"Hello, do you even know what friend means? Or comfort?" Paige says with attitude as if I'm not conversant. I look at her almost in antagonism. I'm not quite there nevertheless. She seems to slow down. I slow down too. She walks right in the lead of me. She faces me. Her eyes thrusting into mine and her arms are folded again. She speaks, "or maybe you're just too selfish to think about someone else." Now I'm angry. She walks off. I huff. Selfish? How am I selfish? I have done nothing but support her and help her. Friend or not this has gone way too far. I hurry up to her and I stop HER. I look at her with harsh eyes and pinched lips now my hands move with my expressions she seems to listen.  
  
"How can you say that, Paige? I have been a friend to you! More than a friend to you and then you turn around and call me selfish? All you do is wine and complain about not being perfect or miss popularity! Believe me if you called anyone selfish, it would be yourself!" There. I said it. And now, I'm going to hear it for the next lifetime! She seems awfully upset. Although I am too. I can almost feel everyone's eyes on my burning hot face. And I can almost hear Paige's hands mend together. I still stand. Waiting. She nods in a way of attitude. Here it comes. She keeps her eyes staring at me as she walks to the side of me and then away. I no longer see her furious eyes. I turn and watch her push her way through everyone who stares. I no longer see her blonde hair swing back and forth so I too start to walk away. Now somehow I that we won't be talking to each other. For a while.  
  
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"Hey Ash," Terri says sitting down next me. I look up at her since I'm so slouched down in my chair. Quite comfortably actually. She seems happy. I put on a fake smile.  
  
"Hey Ter," I say and look back down at my crimson nail polish. She looks down at it too but doesn't seem so interested.  
  
"Everything okay? I haven't talked to you since yesterday," she replays back me. I keep my eyes on my glossy polish and turn them around ever so often. She waits.  
  
"Yeah everything is fine," I lie. I look back up at her. She puts on one of those fake "half" smiles and adds a nod to it. I continue on. "How's everything going with you?" I ask. Her head pops up and looks at me. "You haven't been so happy yourself either," I remind her. She sighs.  
  
"Yeah. Sorry about complaining to you or whatever. I was sort of upset," she says smiling as if it were a joke. I pull myself up to a straight shape.  
  
"It's okay Ter, you wanted someone to hear your problems. I mean, if I could help with anything," I ask. She doesn't change expressions.  
  
"Can you give me a model body?" Terri jokingly says. I don't think she means it as a joke but somehow doesn't want to seem serious right now. I laugh along with her also.  
  
"You obviously have a modeling body," I say to her reminding her about her modeling job. Her cheeks become slightly pained with rose as she looks down at her shoes. I laugh a little louder. "Anyways I like you just as you are," I assure her. She looks back up at me. I know in the past I have been a little cruel and unkind but actually from the counseling I attended to after me little party actually taught me some things about self-consciousness and control. So I kind of fixed the part of me that told everyone about his or her ugly side. Somehow it seemed to clearly show through when I was making conversation with Paige.  
  
"Thanks, Ash. I needed to hear that," she grins. I grin back. After getting out of that phase she looks over my shoulder to find Spinner walking through the cafeteria. Terri smiles. "Look it's the ever disgusting Spinner!" Terri jokes. I just stare. I can faintly see his muscles through his white T-shirt. Impressive. I look away. STOP! "You know what he did after the concert? He drank milk and proved that he could send it flying out of his nose!" Terri said with an aghast face. I copied her facial expressions. "Well I just came over to see how you were doing I promised to meet up with Hazel, see you later Ash," she says getting up with her tray. I nod and watch her walk away. I look over to my right again. Spinner stands talking to Jimmy. I watch them both. Spinner has such a great smile. I don't know it's something about him that makes me want to hug him. I laugh aloud at my thoughts. Embarrassed I look around. No one seemed to notice. I get up from my chair and decide to join the two. As they laugh I join.  
  
"Hey you two, what's up?" I say feeling a little left out. They both look at me.  
  
"Hey Ash! Nothing just talking you know, just Spin being stupid," Jimmy laughs. Spinner sarcastically does the same and starts to punch Jimmy in his arm. Jimmy flinches and starts to walk away. "Dude, I'll catch you later," he continues to laugh. He waves at me too. "See ya, Ash," and I'm left with Spinner. I look back at him.  
  
"So what were you two talking about that was obviously so funny?" I ask trying to converse. He looks at me with his smile still on. He stands up handsome and sturdy. I observe that his hair slightly covers his eyes beaming eyes. I could still see them though. I wanted him to keep his smile forever. Always smile. Hum.  
  
"Nothing, just, stuff," he minimally puts it. I chuckle.  
  
"Just stuff, eh?" I reply. He shrugs and nods. We both laugh.  
  
"Um, yeah so," he begins. I listen. "So, like, what have you been doing?" he asks. It feels awkward talking to him. We had something last night. A peculiar something. Last night, I don't know if I enjoyed his embrace or if it was new to me. I'm still not sure.  
  
"Obviously being a mosquito. Me and Paige had a bit of an argument," I say looking back at where Jimmy went. Spinner looked confused.  
  
"What happened?" he predictably asked. I look back up at him.  
  
"She said I was selfish and I told her that the only one selfish was Paige Michaelchuck," I stare into his eyes hoping to find something. Not sure what. I continue, "I already know it was wrong," I said essentially telling him to save me from the spirit boosting talk.  
  
"No Paige can be selfish. A lot of the time," He confessed. I nod. "I mean today, it's like, what' was she doing?" Spinner shrugs. Ah, today!  
  
"I'm not sure. Paige I guess was trying to flirt with you," I idiotically put it. "And she felt that you were rejecting her"  
  
"Yeah I was rejecting her," he says. I look at him. What? This can't be true! In my eyes I ask for explanation. "Everyone thinks I like her! Okay, yeah, she's pretty she's funny she's - er, pretty but I want more than just a pretty girl," he says. I smile. I never seen or heard this side of Spinner. The sweet cute sensitive side. And oddly he was showing it to me. I felt like hugging him, in a friendly way. I think. "I mean a hot girl wouldn't be so bad," he shrugs in a grin. He finally looks at me, as I'm so surprised, wide- eyed, and grinning. He smiles too. "Or even a punk" 


	4. Somehow Involved

[ Dear Ashley ]  
  
[Dear Ashley Contains; Ashley//Spinner//Toby]  
  
A/N: This is one of my favorite chapters!  
  
[x] I revised this chapter a lot (  
[x] Please read and review!  
  
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I walk down the street. A smile still upon me. I don't know if I like him. Spinner, I mean. He's really funny immature most of the time. What am I talking about? This is Spinner! I've known him forever! Why do I feel this way? Maybe I've always liked him but I never was shown any affection. I can't like spinner. It's wrong. But he's so cute and I finally saw a side to him that I never knew about. I'm lost.  
  
"Toby, where's mom and Jeff?" I ask walking into the house and setting my bag down on the couch. Toby clicks the mouse before answering me.  
  
"Out. I didn't ask where I mean, who cares," Toby shrugs not taking his eyes of the computer. I walk over to the computer when Toby reads an email. I place my hand on the chair and stare at the screen. An email from Gotcha_Number01. Ha! Must be J.T. as I read on Toby looks back at me. "There is such a thing as privacy and I have the right to it," Toby smarts- off. I give him a mean sarcastic smile.  
  
"A screen name like Gotcha number is not anything I'm interested in," I say walking away. Toby doesn't say another word he reads on and clicks his mouse ever so often. I sit down on the couch. I search for the remote. I had it the other day. Gosh, where did I put it?  
  
"Speaking of interesting, someone called for you," Toby announces. I stop searching and look at him. I become confused.  
  
"Already? We just got out of school," I say. Toby is always home early he practically runs home to do homework or find what's new on the Internet. None of my friends call me at this time.  
  
"Yeah, it was uh, Spinner," he says. My eyes widen. I try to cover it up.  
  
"Um, maybe he called for Kendra. Maybe he thought she was over here," I say making excuses he shakes his head and pushes the keyboard in. He stands up and starts walking towards me.  
  
"Nope. He said he wanted to talk to you," Toby finalizes it. I look up at him. Now he's calling. I'm not his girlfriend! Yet. Ah stop thinking so much! "Here's his number," he says picking up a note pad that was on the coffee table in front of me. The numbers were sloppy of Toby's writing. The name 'Spinner' was underline and the black numbers were under it. I took a deep breath. Suddenly I look up at Toby as he stares down at me. He's suspicious I know it!  
  
"I have a right to it too," I say bringing up the privacy subject. Toby sighs and walks away a little annoyed that I told him off this time. I chuckle and look at the number almost memorizing it. I grab the pad of paper and on my way up the stairs I grab the black cordless phone. As I jog up the stairs I look at the number and punch in them. As I'm on the last step I hold the phone up to my ear. It rings. I walk into my room and shut the door behind me. I sit down on the edge of my bed as the phone continues to ring. I bite my lip.  
  
"Toby let me call you back I have to get my things ready, okay?" a girl on the other line says. I take it she's Kendra and she thinks I'm Toby. Must have caller ID. I cough and I can hear the muffles in the background come to a halt. "Toby?" she asks. I finally speak.  
  
"No it's, Ashley, his sister," I say. I mean stepsister but without going into details.  
  
"Oh," she simply says. I continue on.  
  
"I uh, was hoping I could talk to Spinner," I cautiously say. "If he's not busy or anything," I finish.  
  
"Yeah, just, just hold on," she says. I nod but say nothing. I hear the phone being shuffled around a bit. I bite my lip as the shuffling stops. I wait for a minute. They hung up on me? The phone shuffles again. I breathe silently.  
  
"Hello?" it's Spinner. I grin.  
  
"Hey, um what's up?" I normally ask.  
  
"Nothing just playing video games, do you play them?" he stupidly asks. I laugh.  
  
"Uh, no. But uh, Toby said you called me," I remind him. The noise in the background stops.  
  
"Yeah I did. I uh, just wanted to see what you were doing tonight," Spinner asks. I laugh a little. Tonight? Would this be a date? A date with Spinner? Way too weird. What should I say yes no maybe. Um.  
  
"Nothing. Schedules open for anything." I say. I sound desperate. What am I doing this is Paige's crush we're talking about! Wait a minute, Paige's crush. The girl who called me selfish. I could be selfish and take him or I could let him go and him be tortured by the witch of Degrassi. Uh lets be selfish.  
  
"How about going to a m-movie or something ya know, like uh-" I tune out. I want to do this I do but something is telling me no. I don't know.  
  
"Doesn't Paige want to be with you?" I ask. Duh.  
  
"Ash, I don't like her okay, I don't. Just," he pauses. He wants to tell me something. But what?  
  
"What is it Spinner?" I ask. I saw his soft side I could handle his secret.  
  
"I don't like Paige I- I like," I'm so still I don't breathe. I wait. "I just I don't like her"  
  
It's only a few minutes away. The date. I said yes. I mean, we don't have to make-out right? I'm looking awesome! I had on my black tank top with the letters GC standing for Good Charlotte. I've always liked them. I also have on my black jean bell-bottoms with my black Chucks with white laces. I smiled at myself in my full-length mirror. I'm not holding back. I'm almost sure I like Spinner but I feel bad for going on a date with him when Paige likes him. I don't want to be evil but I can't just ignore my emotions. There is a knock at the door. Oh no! Toby's down stairs. I run quickly down the stairs and as Toby slowly walks to get the door, I shove him out of the way resulting in him falling and I open the door quickly. I am now standing so close to Spinner my chest is against his. I become weirded out. Whoa. He steps back.  
  
"Is everything okay?" he asks. I nod.  
  
"Yeah, Toby just loves making me leave," I say as we start to walk. Spinner looks so good right now and smells good too. I love the way he let his hair grow out. It's not all frizzy like Craig's was. I laugh aloud.  
  
"What?" Spinner asks me smiling.  
  
"Nothing I was just thinking," I say. He laughs at me. Gosh that smile.  
  
"About?" He asks. I become truthful.  
  
"You," I say. He stops. I do too. He looks at me with a smirk on his face. I look up at him I vision my eyes mysterious and grand. I bite my lip in anticipation. Oh no, the kiss. As he predictably goes in for the kiss I turn away and start to walk. "So, what movie are we going to see?" He groans and continues to walk alongside me.  
  
"How about we rent I mean the store is right past The Dot Grill," Spinner suggests. I chuckle.  
  
"Where you work," I laugh jokingly. He doesn't seem amused.  
  
"And why is that funny?" he asks. My laughter fades.  
  
"Sorry," I say. He nods. "Not use to you being so serious," I bring up. He did seem a little serious today. A little less funny. I wonder why.  
  
"Who said I'm serious?" Spinner said sounding a little more relaxed. I smile.  
  
"Ashley Kerwin," I smart off. He laughs a little.  
  
"Oh really?" he says. I nod. "You know my house is right around the corner there," he points. I don't want him to lose his sense of humor.  
  
"And I care because?" I smart off again. He looks at me.  
  
"Because when I kidnap you I wont have to walk to far," before I can say anything he gets behind me and picks me up. I scream and laugh at the same time. He holds me as if we just got married.  
  
"Ah! Spinner! Spin!" I can't stop laughing. I hit him wherever I can. My legs kick. He stops running and approaches his door I'm still laughing. So hard. He somehow unlocks the door and I land on the couch that is on the right side if where we came in. "I'm so pressing charges!" I jokingly say. I punch him in his arm. He makes a 'rawer' sound and pounces on top of me. I don't even notice how his house looks I'm too busy keeping my eyes on him. As I try to push him off I slip under him and fall onto the floor with a 'thump'. I don't mind the pain on my butt because I'm laughing to hard. He looks down on me. "Get down here," I say. I pull him down with me and flip over on top of him. I pin him down with my hands and watch his eyes widen. "Ha!" I say. He shrugs.  
  
"You win," he says simply. I giggle. Then I look at him really look at him. I see the little dots on the side of his face and his light brown eyes. Now I know why Paige likes him. Paige. She interrupts everything. I arise from him and roll over so that I lay beside him on the floor. I look up at the ceiling. "You okay?" he asks. I sigh.  
  
"Spin I-" I don't wanna say I don't wanna be with him because I do. I want to hug him I want to kiss him and just be with him. But somehow Paige always pops up in my head. I can almost feel Spinners brown eyes on my face. I know he's watching me.  
  
"Ash, what's wrong?" he asks concerned. I can feel the tears well up and the ache in my throat inch to my mouth. There is no way I can be with Spinner. It would be wrong to do that. She was my friend and I just can't do that to somebody. The cold tear feels fine on my flushed hot face. I sniffle. Spinner sits up. "Ash, tell me," he asks. I sit up too. I don't want to look at him it'll make me cry even more. But I do. I don't refrain. I bite my lip. He looks as if he would cry too. I jump up. I wipe the tears off of my face and start for the door. He follows after me. As I open the door he hurries over and closes it and I turn around and face him. I can't hold it in anymore. I slide down the door and start to cry. I never knew how much I liked him. I like him a lot and I can't do anything about it.  
  
"What's the matter?" he says really expecting an answer this time. He sits down next to me with his arm around me.  
  
"Spin, I like you okay! I like you more than I thought and I-" I pause, "and I can't be with you," I finally say. He looks at me in confusion.  
  
"W-why not?" he asks almost in an angrily way. "What's stopping us?"  
  
"Paige," One word. That one word one girl one thing that keeps us apart.  
  
"Ashley I don't like her why doesn't anyone understand that?"  
  
"I understand it!"  
  
"Apparently you don't if you continue to think that's the case"  
  
"She likes you too and I can't just steal that from her"  
  
"If you keep letting her get in the way when she doesn't matter," he starts off, "then we'll never be together," I sniffle. He's right. But I don't ever want to be away from him. His sensitive side. I wipe my nose and my tears away with the back of my hand. He holds me close. "Maybe I should take you home," he says starting to rise. I don't want to lose you. I grab onto his shirt.  
  
"No, I don't want to go home," I say. "I wanna stay here with you" he smiles. We both support each other up off of the ground. He takes my hand. Our fingers knot as we walk to the back of his house. He opens up a door with his spare hand. We enter his room I'm guessing. Cleaner then expected. I let go of his hand as he closes the door. He reaches over and grabs something. He puts it in front of me. "A movie?" I ask. Still a little stuffed up from crying. He nods. "You planned this?" he nods again.  
  
"Ash I have to admit, I've liked you for so long I guess I just ignored it. You were with Jimmy or Craig and I accepted that I mean ya know I wasn't jealous or anything," he blushed. I smiled. "You're the most beautiful smart funniest punk rock chick I know," he jokes. I laugh too. "Besides Ellie," he jokes again. My mouth widens and silently forgives him. "But now matter how much I tried to ignore you or ignore what I thought of you I couldn't and I'm not going to lose this chance," he finishes. I look deeply into his eyes. I can almost see his thoughts. His dreams. He breaks away from the moment. "I'll just shove this in and-" I move his hand away from the VCR and I grab the movie out of his hands and place it on top of the TV. He looks at me.  
  
"I don't want to miss this chance either," I whisper loud enough for him to hear. His eyes softly observe my eyes and my thoughts. We somehow seem to be close. My hand grasps onto the muscles I feel through his shirt and his hands fit almost perfectly around my waist. And as I thought about how much better this night could get, I kiss him. Deep passionate kiss. I can't breathe but it doesn't matter because I'm with him. He pulls me closer. His lips pull away from mine. They slide down my cheek. My eyes stay closed. He gently kisses my neck. My spine tingles as I run my fingers through his curly dirty blonde hair. His lips slide down to my collarbone where I gasp at the sensations I feel. He kisses my neck so passionately I can hear myself almost silently say his name. I can't breathe as before. His head slowly comes up kissing my neck before reaching my lips. Our foreheads meet as we both open our eyes. All we see is each other. I bite my lip and he smiles. And we know that we care for nothing in the world right now, except for each other. 


	5. Undecided Apology

[ Dear Ashley ]  
  
[ Dear Ashley Chapter Five Contains; Ashley//Paige//Terri//Hazel//Ellie]  
  
A/N: The chapter is up. You won't see Spinner until the next chap. Sorry!  
  
[x] read and review  
  
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Yesterday was the best day of my life. With Spinner that is. I felt like I was on top of the world. They way he held me and how I could feel his passion through his kisses. I didn't think about Paige too much. I couldn't. I still can't believe Spinner has a loving soft side. How will everyone react today? When they see Spin kiss me. His soft side. Am I ready for this? I'm not sure.  
  
"Are you even listening?" Ellie says holding out her hands. We slowly walk down the block and they whole time I've tuned out.  
  
"Um, no," I truthfully say. She groans.  
  
"Well I was- never mind," she shrugs. I agree in a nod. I look to see we are only feet away from the crowd flooding into the doors of Degrassi. I breathe. Ready or not. "Um, you okay?" Ellie asks. I can't agree on this one. I shake my head. Somehow I want to be honest today.  
  
"I don't feel to good," I say holding my stomach. I feel like throwing up. Ellie holds my back.  
  
"Are you going to be okay until we get to the girls washroom. As I was about to say I no, I felt the nasty taste in my mouth. Out it came. I ran over to the bushes beside the school. I could hear the people (girls) walking by with sounds of disgust. I finally breathe. I look down at what came out. Yuck! I wipe my mouth with the back of my sleeve. Yuck. I shake it off. As I come up Ellie looks at me in disgust. I cough. She reaches into her pocket in her skirt and pulls out a silver wrapped piece of gum. "You need it," she says. I hurry and pop it into my mouth. She keeps her eyes on me. "Um, you want to go see the nurse?" she asks. I nod as I hold onto my stomach. We walk slowly still up the stairs. As we enter the school, I cautiously look around. No Paige, no Spinner. Good so far. We continue to walk. As we approach the door Ellie stops. "I'll see you in homeroom, okay?" Ellie says. I nod. She nods too. She walks off behind me and I open the door. It's a girl nurse today. She looks at me. I smile. She walks over to me looking happy as ever.  
  
"Well I your temperature is normal," she says looking up at the thermometer one more time. I nod. "Do you remember eating anything you don't usually eat or," she pauses for an answer. I shake my head.  
  
"I didn't eat breakfast and yesterday I ate-"  
  
"Do you usually skip breakfast?" she asks. I nod. "And you never threw up before?" I shake my head again. She thinks. Then her eyebrows rise. "Do you have a test today or anything you're worrying about?" she asks. I don't shake my head or nod. Does she mean nervous? I may not have a test but I surely am nervous right about now. I bite my lip and arise from the check-up bed.  
  
"Yeah I do. I have a huge math test today and I'm not the best at them," I smile in explanation and apparently in a lie. She laughs.  
  
"That's it! Its just nerves! Hunny don't worry about anything! I'm sure you'll do fine," she says throwing her hand at me. I chuckle and nod before closing the door.  
  
"Thanks for everything!" I call before the door shuts. I become more relaxed. Okay just nerves. I mean, what else could it be? I'm not pregnant! Spinner and me didn't have sex! Okay, good. I walk down the halls homeroom starts to exactly - I look at my watch. Seven minutes. Okay. I start to walk over to Ellie's locker but seem to interrupted by a slight push. Whoops. I bumped into - Terri.  
  
"Sorry, Ash. I still haven't gathered my things for Kwan," she explains obviously hurriedly. I nod in a smile.  
  
"Same here. I really need to catch up on everything, eh?" I say a little jokingly. We laugh.  
  
"I heard about the little battle between you and Paige,"  
Terri brought up. I sighed and rolled my eyes. Paige. Spinner.  
Fight.  
All seemed to connect.  
  
"Yeah. Not the prettiest thing," I admit. Terri nods.  
  
"So, you still haven't put it in the past, you know,  
apologized?" Terri asked. I shook my head.  
  
"Apologizing is the last thing on my mind," Ashley said  
referring to Spinner. Terri nodded looking as if she didn't  
agree.  
"Maybe me and Paige aren't meant to be friends. We always find  
ourselves in an argument," I remind Terri. She replies.  
  
"Arguments are almost requirements in a friendship! Ash,  
you two argue sometimes, it's totally normal," Terri assures me.  
  
"I want to still be friends with Paige but there is just  
something in the way," Yeah, Spinner. Terri grins. There is  
something  
bad in her eyes.  
  
"Alright, Ash. If you say so"  
  
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"Like, purple with yellow, so gross, right?" Paige asks  
Hazel discussing the topic of faking sick. Hazel nods with a  
disgusted face. "Well that's all you have to think about to make  
seem as if you were sick," Paige shrugs. Hazel laughs. Hazel  
doesn't want to  
go to school tomorrow. Paige had told her she needs a break so  
this was it. Paige grins. "I never got the point of lying in  
bed, it's like, a  
privilege. Plus I get ca-" Terri sat next to the two with her  
lunch plate.  
  
"Hey you two! What's going on?" Terri asks. Paige looks at  
Hazel then back at Terri.  
  
"Nothing just, talking," Paige shrugged. Terri nodded.  
  
"The topic," Terri says sitting her bag down to the side  
of her. Paige and Hazel giggle.  
  
"Somewhat clothing and somewhat sickness," Paige explains.  
Terri doesn't seem interested. She folds her arms onto the  
table.  
  
"Well can I bring up something that is totally  
irrelevant?" Terri asks smiling. They wait. Terri digs into her  
salad with her  
clear plastic fork as she continues on. "I talked to Ashley  
today," she started out. She filled her mouth with lettuce and  
Italian dressing.  
Paige made a face of disgust. At Ashley that is.  
  
"Ashley as in Ashley Kerwin?" Paige looks at Hazel. Hazel  
shrugs. As Paige turns back to Terri, Terri swallows her food.  
  
"Yeah. She really doesn't want to be enemies with you,"  
Terri explains. Paige lets out a groan and glares at Terri.  
  
"Please, the same girl who called me a totally conceited  
witch doesn't want me to hate her? Hun, I can tell you right now  
  
that this conversation is going nowhere," Paige reacts. Terri  
sighs. Hazel seems to agree.  
  
"Listen, Paige, she totally wants to be your friend and  
she wants to apologize but she thinks that you would reject  
her,"  
Terri assumes this is how Ashley feels. Paige seems to growl.  
  
"Terri, how many times in our lives have Ashley and I  
apologized to each other? How many fights have we been in? And  
exactly how many times have we claimed to be friends and then  
everything seems to rip us apart?" Paige reminisces. Terri  
sighs. Paige smiles in correctness. "Right, Hun, maybe this  
thing we claimed as a friendship is really starting to wear  
thin,"  
Paige said standing up. Hazel and Terri stood up too.  
  
"But how will you know, Paige?" Terri says to her. Paige  
seems to not understand. "How do you know, that you still hate  
each other, unless you try to apologize," Terri says almost as a  
speech. Paige sighs and stares. "Maybe this was a good thing for  
you to  
realize what's right and what's wrong? Just try because knowing  
the shy Ashley, she won't"  
  
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"Where is it?" Ashley says looking through her locker. She  
was already late for math and if she didn't have her text book  
she would be in so much trouble! I know I left it in here!  
  
"I saw it in your bag earlier, in homeroom," a voice  
called from down the hall. Ashley's head shot up to find Paige.  
She was walking down the hall. Her fingers knotted against her  
showing navel. She smiled. I looked down at my bag and slowly  
lifted up the top. There it was. Leaning against my notebooks. I  
look up again at Paige who has seemed to be closer.  
  
"Thanks, I really need this," I smile. I close my locker  
and start to pick up my bag.  
  
"Ash, wait, before you think this is a totally odd  
miracle, let me correct you that it's not," she explains in a  
weird way. I listen. "I want to apologize, you know, for calling  
you selfish. I was a little upset that Spinner was ignoring me.  
I just went over board. We both said things we didn't mean,"  
Paige apologizes for her words and mine. But I'm not sorry! You  
are selfish and conceited!  
  
"Um, Paige, look I-"  
  
"Terri told me you were shy. Look, lets just try to forget  
the fight, we're friends now, right?" Paige asks. I take a deep  
breath. I don't know what to say. Bad at both ends. 


	6. Smiles Last

[ Dear Ashley ]  
  
[ Dear Ashley Chapter Six Contains; Ashley//Paige//Spinner]  
  
A/N: Okay here goes the decision! Kind of pointless after but, whatever.  
Kind of short.  
  
[x] Should I continue?  
  
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I just wait. Yes or no. Nothing else will accept. Paige looks impatient and upset. I blurt out, "No." I have finally rejected Paige. Leaving her angry and of course confused. She stares at me.  
  
"I beg your pardon?" she says almost demanding me to rethink my words. I have to do this. I stand up straight and begin.  
  
"Paige, listen, I know we've been friends for a long, long time but-"  
  
"But nothing! We had an argument, okay, I understand, it wasn't the end of the world!"  
  
"I was always there for you, Paige! Whenever you asked for anything, I helped you! Although you seemed to have forgotten that I exist!" I snap. She becomes furious.  
  
"You wanna break it off, Kerwin? Okay, fine! But when your so-called friends seem to vanish, and you fall flat on your face, I won't be there. Not even to laugh at your pathetic attempt to be a person worth living," and with that, she walks away. I turn to watch her practically fly down the hallway, her clogs slapping the ground with anger. I swallow my anger long and hard. I look up at the ceiling. I hope I did the right thing.  
  
I haven't seen Spinner yet. He wasn't in any of his classes. But as I look down the hall, there he is. Walking through the crowds of people talking and going through lockers. His head was down and his hands hidden in the bottom of his pockets. I turn my whole body towards him with my hands folded lying against my jean skirt. I call out, "Spinner, where have you been today? You didn't come to any of your classes?" I say approaching him. His head shoots up and looks at me.  
  
"There you are! Look, we have to go," He says grabbing my arm. As he starts to pull me away I yank my arm away. We look at each other.  
  
"Go where?" I ask in confusion. He looks around. "And why in such a hurry?"  
  
"Ash, we really need to talk! And, if you haven't noticed, I skipped school, so, if you really want Raditch to see me, you'll make me keep talking," he explains holding his hands out. Understood.  
  
"Go home, I'll be there after I get my things, deal?" I ask. He nods.  
  
"Deal," he runs again through the crowds and out the door. I sigh. This is going conversation is going to be one I do believe will have many outcomes of each other's futures.  
  
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I walk down my street. Okay, then turn the corner and there is his house. I walk up his steps. Before I knock, I observe the house. It's a white house but the paint peels in every direction. I only notice it now. But I'm not disgusted by it at all, not everyone is the richest people in the world! I take a breath before knocking. The knocks seem to sound off to the whole neighborhood. It doesn't answer at first. I bite my lip. As I decide to knock again, the door gradually opens and there stands Spinner. Smiling at my appearance. I casually walk in and wait for him to close the door behind me. I look around the house. For the first time it seems. A blanket jackets the couch and old paper plates seem to flourish across the tables and sitting areas. Inviting a guest, maybe he could pick up a little. He looks at me, in a serious way. I watch his eyes as they watch mine. We both indifferently walk to the back of the house, past the unclean kitchen and into his room. Looks the same as before, although it seems some of the clothes have disappeared into a full laundry hamper I saw as I passed the bathroom. He sits on the bed, I sit next to him.  
  
"You never answered my question," I begin sounding so loud. He looks at me. "Why did you skip school?" I ask looking down at my hands then back at him.  
  
"I didn't want to go. Didn't want to face the drama," Spinner says throwing his hands up. I throw on a confused look.  
  
"Drama? What drama?" I say a little offended. He looks at me his arms fall over his legs.  
  
"Between you and Paige. After you told her about us I'm sure she wanted to choke me," he says. I don't answer. He straightens up his back. "You didn't tell her?" he asks. My tongue slips out and massages my lips. I shake my head. "Oh," is all he has to say.  
  
"Although it wouldn't matter if I told her now," I say arising to my feet. I walk towards my door and turn back to him.  
  
"Why? What happened?" he predictably asks. I walk closer as I sigh.  
  
"We're not friends anymore, we sort of just, broke it off," I explain. We just stare at each other for a minute. An awkward silence. I swallow.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"We both knew we were going to do this anyway, mise-well do it sooner then later," I say sitting down next to him again. He sighs. I look down at the floor.  
  
'Well, what now?" he asks. I shrug.  
  
"I was kind of hoping you knew," I say in honesty. He nods. "Do you want to be with me?" I ask. He looks at me like seeing into me. Deeply.  
  
"More than anything," he whispers. He smiles.  
  
"Then that's all that should matter, right?" I ask.  
  
"You want to be with me, too?" he asks without answering my question. I grin. I softly hold his chin in my hand pulling him in as we kiss. I hold onto his face. We pull apart. "What will everyone say?" he asks me.  
  
"You mean, what will Paige say," I correct still close to his face. He seems to agree but does nothing. I look down at the floor and shrug. I look back at him. "What can she say?"  
  
A/N: This chapter was called 'She Says' but now changed to 'Smiles Last' 


	7. Only now, you'll know

[ Dear Ashley ]  
  
[ Dear Ashley Chapter Seven Contains; Ashley//Paige// Spinner]  
  
A/N: Flames accepted (  
  
REMINDERS  
[x] Craig never cheated on Ashley  
[x] Terri never liked Spinner  
[x] Paige never liked Spinner  
  
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Walking down the halls, Spinner by my side, our hands kept to ourselves. People don't stare because they don't know. Yet. We stop in the middle of the hallway and observe Paige gossiping at her locker to her new pink cell phone. I look up at Spinner.  
  
"She's going to kill us," I say half jokingly. He looks at me with a mile assuring me that everything will result in us being together. I grin. "So, who's doing it?" I say now serious. He rolls his eyes like he knew. I shrugged.  
  
"You," he said as if it fits into a plan created long ago. My mouth drops.  
  
"Me? Why me?" I ask pointing to myself.  
  
"She doesn't smack girls," he says. I laugh even though he looks a bit serious. I apply my hands on his chest.  
  
"Okay, okay. We'll to it together," I say. He nods. As we start to walk over, I feel my hands fidget. We are only a few feet away. "Should we be more serious about this? Because I feel excited," I honestly admit. He chuckles but doesn't reply. As we approach, Spinner stands behind me. "Paige," I say smirking. Her lips purse and eyes sharpen.  
  
"Later, Terri," Paige flips the bottom of the phone upwards and sticks it into her very tight jean pants. She looks at Spinner then back at me. "What do you want, backstabber?" she substitutes my name. I sigh.  
  
"Paige, I have something to tell you," I become more serious. More serious then ever before. Her jaw moves and then looks up at Spinner.  
  
"Spin, maybe this isn't the best time to be ease-dropping," Paige snarls. I peak over at him then back at Paige as my foot falls back and forth.  
  
"Actually, he has something to do with it," I say under my breath. I can feel him take a step back. Her right foot adjusts and makes a stomping noise as she folds her arms. She fixes her eyes on me.  
  
"Oh," Paige says asking for information. I bite my lip. She becomes impatient. "What, Kerwin? What!" she says almost shouting. I want to tell her, I can't. The words stick to my tongue. My foot has a fit and it seems as if everyone is staring. She makes a sound of annoyance and starts to walk away. I can feel Spinner's eyes. My eyes fall everywhere seeing everything. I make up my mind. I hurry over and turn her around. She looks at me. "Say it, Ashley! What is it?" Paige says now shouting.  
  
"I love Spinner," I say mildly shouting. Paige's face falls inwards and her gasp is sharp. They both shout  
  
"What?!" Paige I can understand. But Spinner. I thought it was a crush but I feel like I do love him. Surprised by two. Paige shakes her head and her face becomes red.  
  
"Ashley, what the hell are you talking about?" she yells. I swallow. Spinner steps up.  
  
"Paige, just calm down," He says coming closer to me. I fold my arms and keep my head down.  
  
"No! I won't! Ashley, you will regret this! I swear! I should have never, ever trusted you! You're just the slut I thought you were!'' I look up. Tears seem to fill.  
  
"Paige, stop!" Spinner says he too is now shouting. Paige looks at him her nostrils flaring.  
  
"Go to hell," she finishes it. I don't see it through the tears but I know at this very moment, she's stopping away. Her hair flying behind her and her hands clench in fury. The tears spill and I start off to the washroom. I cover my mouth from crying. Spinner runs and grabs me from behind and I cry out. So hard as we both gradually fall onto the ground. No one is in the hallways by now. I weep as he holds me close and soothingly strokes my hair. I grab onto his shirt.  
  
"I've ruined everything. Everyone hates me and I- I just don't -" I try saying. "What am I going to do?" I ask looking up at him. I know my mascara is down my cheeks but he doesn't seem to care. He takes her shirt with his fingers and wipes off the black mascara around my eyes. I look down at my hands after finishing.  
  
"I love you too," he finally says. I look up at him. I try hard to smile and we both succeed. I gently kiss him. After crying a kiss, how often does that happen? I sniffle as I look back down at my hands.  
  
"I don't want to go to class," I say looking back up at him. "Not after what happened." Spinner sighs.  
  
"Then lets get out of here. You deserve it," He smirks. I grin back at him.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------- x X x ----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
We find ourselves at The Dot Grill. We only find a few people sitting in booths, looking 18 or 19 years of age. We sit in the back away from everyone.  
  
"It feels weird being at a place where I work and not working," Spinner says sitting down across from me. I smile.  
  
"Thanks for taking me far away from Degrassi," I say. "Or Paige for that matter," my eyebrows rise.  
  
"No problem"  
  
"Whenever I'm with you it feels like, like nothing in the past matters. Everything seems to vanish and then you, well, appear." I smile in a flirtatious way. "With me"  
  
A/N: This story WILL be ending soon. Any ideas for an ending? And I was wondering if you think there should be a sequel. Let me know!  
  
I also edited some of the writing because it had a couple words of "foul language" that didn't quite fit the PG rating. Sorry. 


	8. Lovliness

[Dear Ashley]  
  
[Dear Ashley Chapter Eight Contains; Ashley//Marco//Spinner]  
  
A/N: Someone comes in! Some girls like him. Not a big character but is re-  
introduced into the story (  
  
[x] I don't pay much attention to  
Marco so if he seems misplaced. Sorry.  
[x] give me ideas!!!! ------------------------------------ x X x ---------------------------------  
---  
  
School is over and Spinner and I are still sitting in the same spot. We see people walk by through the windows. We haven't done much. Just talk and make jokes. Then Marco walks in. His hands in his pockets and he looks around a little insecure. I observe him and then Spinner does he returns his eyes to me and then he rolls them.  
  
"What?" I ask. His arms fold onto the table.  
  
"I'm over him being gay it's just, weird," he explains. I shrug.  
  
"He's no different from before, right?" I say proving a point. He looks at me in a smirk.  
  
"Uh, yeah! He checks out every guy he sees!" I look back over at Marco. He seems to have spotted us because he walks closer. He stops to the side of our booth and smiles at Spinner and me. I smile back while Spinner just stares.  
  
"Hey you two, I uh, seen you two outside, and since Spinner is here, I was wondering where Paige was," he asked moving himself forward and backward on his heels. I sigh in annoyance of the name and I watch the table. Spinner observes me and turns back to Marco.  
  
"Why would Paige be here if I'm here?" Spinner asks. He looks confused.  
  
"Because she's totally in love with you," Marco simply replies. I groan.  
  
"Marco, he's with me," I announce. Spinners stiff hair bounces as he turns to me smirking. Marco's eyes bulge out and his fidgeting comes to a halt. I swallow.  
  
"Y-y-you two?" He asks pointing at me then Spinner. We both nod. He mumbles something in Spanish under his breath. "How did this happen? I mean no one knew, right? Am the first one to know," He looked very confused.  
  
"No, Paige knows," I say. He waits for me to continue but I don't.  
  
"Wow, so you two are like, together?"  
  
"Yes, Marco, yes. We're," Spinner searches for the right words. "Together," he says.  
  
"Paige doesn't care?  
  
"Yeah, if it were only that easy," I shrug and look up at him. "It's not a secret anymore," I explain. Marco sighs.  
  
"Well, if that's what you two want I guess-" Spinner cut him off by taking him to the side. Marco went silently a few feet away from Ashley.  
  
"Dude, what are you doing?" Spinner asks asking almost with his arms and hands.  
  
"Look, are you sure you like Ashley?" Marco asks. Spinners eyebrows slant and his face wrinkles.  
  
"What are you talking about? Of course I like Ashley," things get quiet. "I don't like her, I love her," he adds on. Marcos face is blank as he breathes carefully. He steps closer as Spinner gets a little uncomfortable.  
  
"You do," he says finally. Spinner takes a step back.  
  
"Huh?" he asks.  
  
"You really do love her, I see it," he smiles. Spinner nodes. Marco looks at me I who has seemed to watch but not hear everything. Marco chuckles as he starts to walk out. "Later, Spin," he waves. Spinner watches him in a confused face. He shakes his head and walks back to the table.  
  
"So?" I ask. Spinner rolls his eyes. I laugh at his expressions. I glance down at Spinners watch. I grab his wrist. "When did you learn to tell time?" I jokingly ask. He shrugs.  
  
"Grandma present," he says not comprehending my insult. I look at it more closely.  
  
"4:00!" I gasp as I come to my feet. "Mom and Jeff are going to kill me!" I say throwing on my jacket. Spinner jumps to his feet too.  
  
"Can I walk you?" he asks. I stop and just observe him. His sweet side. I smile and nod. He grins too as we start out of the restaurant.  
  
------------------------------------ x X x ---------------------------------  
---  
  
Down the street people stare. Glaring at us holding hands. I shake the thoughts out of my head as if they stuck to me. We approach my house. I look up at the quiet home. I turn to Spinner. I look into his eyes. Today was the first day he told me he loved me. He really loves me. I know this, even Marco can see this. Spinner fidgets before giving me a sweet gentle kiss on the cheek. Love? I can hear him whisper call me. As he starts to walk away I grab his arm and pull him back giving him a real kiss to remember as he walks home. My fingers curl up in his hair as he holds onto my hips. As we pull away my hands frame his face. We both grin.  
  
"I might come over later, is that okay?" he asks. Later? Come over? Tonight? Hm. I nod.  
  
"Bye, Spin," I say. He chuckles.  
  
"Bye, babe," he says in a grin. Babe? We're calling each other names? Cute, I think. I watch him walk down my street for a minute before jogging up my own stares. Inside the house smells of sweets. Inside my house sounds loud of chatting. There is a familiar smell in the air. Cologne or something. Then, I hear a familiar laugh. I peak around the corner. Creating my mothers amused face. Then, as I slowly come around, I see the full view. Sitting there, on the couch, comfortably entertaining my mom, is Craig Manning.  
  
A/R: a/r stands for 'a reminder' lol. Anyways, if you have forgotten, Ashley and Craig broke up BUT he did not cheat on her they just parted. It's awkward between them two that's why Ashley describes him like this. Just a reminder! PLEASE REVIEW WITH PREDICTIONS OR JUST COMMENTS! 


	9. Better Things?

[Dear Ashley]  
  
[Dear Ashley Chapter Nine Contains; Ashley//Craig]  
  
A/N: You might get mad you might get happy.  
  
[x] REVIEW ON THIS ONE PLEASE!!!  
[x] Parts edited on the bottom  
  
------------------------------------ x X x ---------------------------------  
---  
  
Mom progressively stops laughing and turns all her attention towards me. Her head tilts looking rather excited although pleased. I can hear Craig's laugh too stop. As he sees my mother stare, he sharply turns to me smile still there. His hair bounces at the stop. I take in a breath as I study him. I look at mom. She knows I don't want to be around him. She looks at me signaling to converse with him. I shake my head and start up to my room stomping loudly. I soon hear Craig come after me. I hurry into my room and commence to slam my door shutting him out but he blocks it with his arm. I turn and look at him my lips pursed. He closes the door behind him without watching it. He swallows and his Adams Apple bounces. I sigh.  
  
"What are you doing here, Craig?" I ask. "I'm sure you have far better things to do," I say sort of snotty as I tilt my head.  
  
"Like what?" he asks lifting his arms them smacking them to his side. Wrong thing to say.  
  
"Playing with your dream girl," I say substituting other words.  
  
"Ashley, stop. Can't you just lay-off?" he asks. I just stare. "I know you're mad," he says his hands looking as if he is pushing something down. I roll my eyes. "Look, I didn't want to hurt you," he says coming closer.  
  
"Well if that's what you aimed for, you missed," I say still smarting- off.  
  
"I'm sorry. Even though you think Manny is perfect, she isn't," he says still walking closer. I look at him perplexed.  
  
"What do you mean?" I perceptibly become very interested in the conversation. Maybe him and Manny are having tribulations. I shouldn't do anything for him. He hurt me but the odd thing is, I still have something there for him. Some sort of more-than-friends-feelings. Oh no, I have feeling for him! SPINNER!  
  
"She is this girl who does nothing but stick to me 24/7. I mean, yeah I like her," he watches my eyes. He likes her. "But she isn't you," he explains. We're close now. Very close. Kissing distant close. We both head in for the kiss. Spinner. I look away.  
  
"But you're still with her," I say half-asking. My heart thumps wildly surprisingly Craig doesn't hear it. He comes close again. Maybe Paige popped in my head for a basis. Maybe I'm not suppose to. . . I'm so confused. He shakes his head in a smile. He places his hand on my face and our eyes close while my lips tremble and. . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
A/N: Make predictions! What should she do? What will she do? Let me know! I edited something that maybe you would want to hear just something small but I think you guys should still hear it:  
  
"Like what?" he asks lifting his arms them smacking them to his side, wrong  
thing to say.  
  
"Playing tonsil hockey with Mrs. Manny Slut Manning," I sneer. 


	10. We're Through

[Dear Ashley]  
  
[Dear Ashley Chapter Ten Contains; Ashley//Craig//Spinner//Ellie]  
  
A/N: Continued..  
  
[x] Maybe a good thing 4 sum and bad for others  
[x] Sneak Peaks at the bottom!  
  
------------------------------------ x X x ---------------------------------  
---  
  
. . . . the door opens. My eyes open to see Spinner standing there. He looks confused. Craig sharply turns to him.  
  
"Spinner, this isn't," I point to Craig and me. Spinner comes closer.  
  
"Ashley, what's going on?" he asks. Craig looks at Spinner and lips 'go' to him. Spinner shakes his head and starts out the door. I start after him leaving Craig confused. Down the stairs I run after Spinner, flying past mom and Toby. Outside it is darker. I put my hand on Spinner's shoulder and turn him around.  
  
"Spin, look, this isn't what you think," I explain. Spinner nods.  
  
"Yeah, Ash, then what was it like? Because it looked like you were going to kiss him," Spinner says angrily. I sigh.  
  
"I didn't kiss him, Spinner. I wouldn't kiss him!" I say almost shouting. "He doesn't know!" I say.  
  
"Know what?" Craig comes up behind us. I turn to Craig and Spinner just glares. "What is going on here?" Craig asks calmly walking closer.  
  
"Craig, we're through me and you, okay. You have Manny," I say. And before he say something I blurt out, "and I have Spinner." He's speechless. He looks almost as if he would cry. He shrugs.  
  
"Why, Ash?" he asks. "I thought we loved each other," he says dramatically. Please.  
  
"I loved you, Craig, get it right! You obviously loved Manny! Well, now I don't want you, or need you, or love you!" I say. He keeps quiet. I correct my posture and say my last words. "We're through." He walks away from me swiftly and as I turn wanting to see Spinner I see nothing. I've ruined everything.  
  
Okay Friday. Wanting this because it equals freedom. I called Spinner all last night and I even tried this morning. No answer. Okay, so the beginning of school. Lets find him.  
  
"Hey, El," I call flying down the hall. She looks away from Marco to see me. I watch Marco's lips say 'ciao'. As I approach he leaves. I watch him fall into the crowds before turning to Ellie. "What have you been up to?" I ask leaning my shoulder against the locker.  
  
"Weird, I was going to ask you the same thing."  
  
A/N: short today I know but please review. Next chapter might not be  
up for a while. But I do have a sneak peak on two of my new stories  
I'm beginning to write:  
  
Ellie is still stressed still misunderstood still adjusting to life without her dad there. Introducing Craig's band can her open her eyes to see life and maybe a new boyfriend.  
  
Paige's life has always been perfect but she still thinks she needs to be at Ellie's aid. Is Ellie in it too deep? Or is Paige? And what will Spinner do?  
  
Paige, Ms. Perfect Ms. Popularity and Ms. Prep but what happens when all of them start to wear thin and it's because of Ellie's song. Paige is happy but is everyone else? 


	11. I'm Sorry

[Dear Ashley]  
  
[Dear Ashley Chapter Eleven Contains; Ashley//Spinner//Ellie]  
  
A/N: Get into this one, it's short and it's the END  
  
[x] Say Good-bye To Dear Ashley  
  
------------------------------------------- x X x --------------------------  
-----------------  
  
I look at Ellie. "What?" I ask.  
  
"Marco just told me," she starts. "About you and Spinner," she says with no emotion. I start to talk but only my mouth moves.  
  
"Yeah about that," I say squinting my eyes. Ellie adjusts her legs, sighs, and rolls her eyes while mine shift around the floors. She looked back at me and shrugged.  
  
"Why him?" Ellie asks. I sigh. Why him? I fell for him as soon as I saw his soft side as soon as I saw the real him. I sigh before I answer.  
  
"I love him Ellie," I finally whisper. Her eyes pop out and her jaw drops. My lips purse.  
  
"Please tell me you're joking," Ellie says in disbelief. Her expression doesn't change. My head hangs.  
  
"No," I admit. The bell sounds off and we both jump. Ellie sighs.  
  
"Ash, lets just get to class," she says. She throws her bag over her back and walks straight past me. I watch her for a second. Then I sigh too before lifting my head and following her to class. She's a couple feet in front of me. I look down. What am I going to do? I groan before looking back up. She's gone and I'm lost in the crowds. I roll my eyes in annoyance. Suddenly, I right past me, walks Spinner. I gasp before grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around.  
  
"Spinner!" I say loudly. He looks at me, my eyes open wide. He doesn't look happy he looks tired and angry.  
  
"What, Ashley?" he asks coldly. I lick my lips before answering.  
  
"Do you hate me?" I stupidly ask. He just looks at me. "Spinner, look, I am so sorry that happened last night, okay? But we're through, Craig and me, okay?" I explain.  
  
"You were about to kiss him, Ashley," he slowly says. My eyes close.  
  
"Spin, I didn't kiss him," I say firmly. He nods.  
  
"Because I walked in," He pointed to himself before walking away. I became furious. I gripped onto his arm and swung him around with quickness.  
  
"Spinner, listen! I was not going to kiss him, okay?" I say almost shouting.  
  
"Ash, I'm not stupid and I know what was about to happen," he defends. I groan.  
  
"Please, Spinner," I beg still holding onto his arm. I look into his glistening eyes and he looks into mine. Mine are scared. Scared of losing him. "Please," I whisper. I feel like crying, the ache in my throat rises and even when I try to swallow it, it stays. I feel my lip tremble.  
  
"I'm sorry," is his last whisper before he walks away, leaving me, standing in the center of a crowded room. Alone.  
  
-THE END-  
  
A/N: I know you wanted them back together, who knows what will happen in the future! There might be a sequel, just give me ideas, you can email me: oxidi0ticxo@aol.com or INSTANT MESSAGE me at oxidi0ticxo all right? I'm going 2 finish up with 'Not Even Me' and I will start posting up some more stories. That's right, I'm not going to stop writing Oh and by the way, there will not be a sequel to Not Even Me. Just some inside info, bye!  
  
oxElle 


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